Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
