Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
