Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
