So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
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everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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