He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This baby is an asshole
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
