Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
