one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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