I heard we made out
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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