I wannas sexs uuuuu
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
