ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
