From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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