you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
