Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
