Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You made out with two different species that night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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