Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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