Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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