I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize