he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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