But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
