One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Life is so much better after having sex.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
