VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i barfeds in our rink
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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