well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
