Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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