4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
