I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
