Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
