How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize