Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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