So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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