So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
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