Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
