the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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