i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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