4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
