my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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