thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And then he peed in my hair
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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