Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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