it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
