Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
