Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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