I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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