my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
