I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
