mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
