Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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