Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
