It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
