Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
