ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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