I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
