Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
