I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
