it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
