were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
