Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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