I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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