you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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