Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
