Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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