apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
