Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
