i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
