Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
