on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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