I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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