I like my sex mixed with concussions.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
