Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
