Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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