Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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